i'm the first to comment and before noon, but then i have to, i've got a committed client to see midday! I can't possibly be the only one who feels unappreciated.  I'm not underappreciated as a veterinarian, rather dog training and/or behavior business.  I already get myself into trouble being honest out of a sincere concern about dogs welfare and lack of pet owners understanding how complex the pet owning business actually is!  

I need positive material.  During tough times like many of us are going through it's hard, but experts tell us that's what we need to focus on, positives.  However, I'm in agreement with you, being honest and feeling good about one's work is an important quality otherwise if you let all the negatives take over, it will surely show up in your work.  It's not easy either when statistics tell us client committment and lack of education is often related to dog relinquishment. 

Writing a sarcastic letter for a professional dog trainer or one who specializes in behavior would certainly make one feel better and many of us could, but would it isolate those clients who really are committed by doing their best despite some serious hurdles they may successfully cross with our help or simply accept and learn to live with sometimes a dogs natural behavior. 

Loved reading this before noon, it will help make my day better and all that much more important why we need to teach owners how to behave at the vets office! 8-)

Have a great day everyone!

joyce kesling, CDBC August 7th, 2009 10:43:24 AM

I find it's more fun to tell people to their face that they're wasting my time.  That's why I no longer have a customer-facing job.  : )

I once worked in a coffee shop, and during a particularly busy time, one customer decided to be rude & try to get tons of free stuff.  The last straw was when she asked about kids' drinks, shoved a baby bottle in my face & suggested iced tea was an appropriate (free) drink for kids.  Instead of complying, I said, "I don't think caffeine is good for your child."  The customer was enraged that I was telling her how to raise her kid, and my boss lectured me the next day.  You know what?  It was soooo worth it.

Posey August 7th, 2009 10:47:32 AM

Thank you for the humor and sarcasm!  I teach and I write a fair amount of "dear student" and "dear administrator" messages that sounds very much like this one.  It IS carthatic and I completely understand the need for it.  It helps keep me sane and helps to keep me from snapping at those people.

I just always hope that I won't ever be the person my vet is writing a "dear client" letter about!

Crysania August 7th, 2009 11:20:50 AM

Dear Grocery Store Customer,

I appreciate that you come to me with your grocery list and ask me to help you "find" everything on your list throughout the store!  I certainly don't have anything else to do within my own department!

I am happy to find you the item that you are looking for within my department and sincerely apologize when the product packaging has changed just to confuse you.  I am sincerely sorry that certain products, that only you have ever bought on a frequency of twice a year, have been discontinued.  I am sorry when fresh goods don't look the same as when you bought them yesterday, we really have to work on perfecting our in-store assembly line!  I'm sorry that we don't carry Turkeys in the Bakery, and that the frozen department is so far away.

We are happy to offer you cookies/sliced meat/ etc as a free sample for your children.  We especially understand that at the age of 53, you are still a child at heart and should also be entitled to these samples.

Thank you for shouting at me across the counter, even when I've asked for just a moment so I can come around to speak with you.  Thank you for expecting the store to be open at dawn and closed at midnight.  Thank you for expecting me to work every stat holiday so you can come in on your day off and tell me how nice the weather is!

Thank you for placing your birthday orders the same day and then being angry when we can't make your platter/cake/etc while you wait.  I know birthday parties (especially large ones) certainly sneak up on you every year - it's not like they're on the same day or anything!!

Thank you for your exceptional rudeness when an item is missed on the shelf when it's out of date, or when the price change in the flyer hasn't yet been labelled on the shelf. 

And finally thank you for expecting me to put up with all this crap, the crummy hours, and the bust-your-butt hard work at minimum wage so you can enjoy the cheapest prices around!

Sincerely,

your grocery store clerk

OH MY!  This was soo much fun!!!   hee hee - thank you Dr. Khuly - made my day today!

charliebear22 August 7th, 2009 11:29:08 AM

On behalf of all of us who have been, at one time or another, That Customer, may I say:

I'm very, very sorry.

Fortunately, both children are growing up (as unlikely as that seemed at times) and never have to be taken anywhere at the same time anymore.

We were not actually serious about trading either child for groceries.  Not most of the times we offered, anyway.

Sincerely,

The crazy-looking woman with an ear in one hand and a shirt collar in the other

Ledasmom August 7th, 2009 11:48:03 AM

Dear Shock Collar Trainer & Brand-New Client,

Thank you for bringing your underweight 10 month old dog in, and making such a big deal about how you'd "never feed anything fancier than Dad's," since that's what the previous vet said was "good food for the money."  Oh, and that previous vet who you think is so great because she only changes $15 for an office call, has the highest number of complaints to the state board, and her clinics are always stinky and filthy and she can't keep good techs for more than 6 months, but you're right to think that "she's great 'cause she just does the basics."  When I suggested that leptospirosis vaccination that you'd never heard of, I'm glad you told me that she told you your dog "didn't need anything else" because parvovirus is the only problem she sees, and that's only in Rottweilers and pit bulls.  We've had 2 dogs die from liver problems that were exacerbated by lepto, we couldn't possibly have better information that she does.

And thank you for offering your cards and telling us that you're a fantastic trainer.  I'm sure it would be very useful for our clients to have dogs that are "guaranteed to be safe off-leash in three weeks."  Of course, almost none of our clients do any serious training with their dogs, and all they want is a dog that doesn't pee, poop, or destroy things in their house, and shock collar training is so appropriate for those problems.  Oh, and by the way you're trying to 'help' us with your dog's exam is also appreciated.  Grabbing him by the collar and shaking him while we're touching him is sure to give him a great appreciation for us, because "he knows who he has to listen to."  Oh, and when you insisted on helping the assistant get him off the table (she was gently lifting him off from the side, and you dragged him out of her arms from the front, and he hit the wall with his head since there's a lot less room in that direction), I'm sure the assistant has learned that you know more than she does about how to handle dogs.  Saying it was her fault the dog's head hit the wall is highly debatable, but as the client, I must accept that you know more than she does, and I will let her know.

Lastly, rest assured that after you placed your perfectly trained dog in a sit-stay right next to the door, and walked eight feet away from it, slapping your leg with the leash to show everyone else there how incredible a trainer you are, when that same assistant saw the door opening and tried to prevent a problem by telling you to put the leash on and have the dog near you, she was completely out of line, and I will fire her.  Her conduct was out of line and I don't want her working for me if she's going to make a valuable client like you unhappy.  I also am shocked that the front desk didn't discount your bill to reflect the prices you previously paid at Dr. Cheap-Bad, especially since you said you'll tell all your clients how wonderful we all were. 

Yep, that's the letter I think would have been the capstone of that client's visit.  At least for him.  

KateH August 7th, 2009 11:48:29 AM

"Hi!

Just wanted to thank you for calling my volunteer breeder referral service. I have kept my name up there as a contact for the club to help you avoid puppy mills, pet stores and scammers so I was thrilled to get your call from PA at 5:45 AM PST.

You were sooo understanding about the fact I was barely awake. You were right, I may as well get up. 

And yes, I guess it is my "job" to answer 7,500 questions about the breed, health screening, dogs in general. After all, it could take you all those precious minutes to look up that information on the exact same site you found my number on.

I am also so happy for you that you already know everything about how the breed, how to raise dogs and why the prices for a well socialized puppy out of health screened and temperament tested parents are too high especially when these stuck up show breeders actually have the gall to ask questions about where the puppy will live, who will take care of him while you're at work. 

Please do continue to ask questions then disagree with everything I say.

And you are so right, how dare they require spay or neuter for a puppy you are paying for. And yes, it does seem invasive that the breeders I sent you to want to stay in touch for the pup's lifetime and approve and change of ownership, the bastards.

Oh and THANK YOU for your child rearing advice when I told you that I had to get off the phone because my two year old son was crying at 6:20 AM. You were right, a fever and the fact he was clearly feeling like crap and wanted Mommy was no reason to "coddle" him and let him be "rude" and interupt this very important phone call. 

So thank you for sucking up 35 minutes of my finite lifespan, thank you for the advice. And here is the contact for rescue. Why? Because in two years when the puppy you buy from the paper or pet store or website "no questions asked" has failed to magically become the perfect dog without any effort put in, you will know who to call without waking myself and my family up at o dark thirty"

JenniferJ August 7th, 2009 11:54:02 AM

Dear Vet,

Thanks for having such a welcoming clinic.

I loved how nice you were to my kids (whom I could not leave with a sitter because I need every last penny to pay your exorbitant fees). You even let them sit on the chairs in the waiting room!

I really appreciated that you rolled your eyes only once when I indicated that I'd done some reading on my cat's condition & brought in the journal references with suggestions for which pain relief might be appropriate for my elderly arthritic animal. We'll just forget that I had hoped YOU would do that afterour last appointment, when you assured me there were no pain meds and bristled when I asked you to look into it as I know other cat people whose animals are on pain relievers;I guess you're too busy and as you don't see the point of pain meds anyway. You could have saved me the visit cost by calling me to tell me that you'll refuse to prescribe pain relief medicine but I guess you wanted to impress me with your learning in person.  I was like, SO awed.

I also appreciate how you are so interested in the status of my pet that you want to do full geri panels twice a year now! Just so we can monitor her condition! Yes, I know 4 times a year would be better, but you hid your disappointment well when I declined.

Oh and thanks so much for never telling me in all the years I've been your client that I have the right by law in my province to have your prescriptions filled in any pharmacy. I so appreciated paying at least 100% more, just to save me the 5 minute walk across the mall parking lot.

I won't mention the time you got all purple and veins stood out on your forehead when you found out I do not feed my pet a commercial pet food. I'm sure you were just having a bad day that time.

I also appreciate the front office staff's aggressive sales techniques for all the food and flea control products you sell. I just love how I get to practice my assertiveness training 'no thank you!' while having to wait through a series of sales pitches just to settle the consultation fee bill.

And you know what's a really nice touch? When the staff, seeing how afraid my animal is, shake their heads in disgust & proceed to lecture me on how I failed to properly socialize her! Wow! Bonus tips from wannabe behaviourists!

Sincerely switching vets,

your former client

hornblower August 7th, 2009 11:58:07 AM

You read Dr. X's letter. Then you read Hornblower's letter.

And you realize that a serious flaw in the  human condition is the inability to walk a mile in another's moccasins.

Everyone has gripes, often warranted, and we all tend to typically think we are getting the short end of the stick. Sure, a "Dear Client" letter may be fun, stress relieving and, as in the above two cases, pretty humorous (because, as with all things that are truly funny, they have elements of truth). Write one if it makes you feel better and stick it in the drawer.

But I think it would be more productive to try to have some dialogue with those who are driving you crazy, or spend a minute thinking about possible root causes behind the behavior. And if that just doesn't work -- and in some cases, it might not -- maybe it will help you just move on.    

Moongirl August 7th, 2009 12:15:55 PM

Loving this discussion. And Hornblower and Moongirl, among others, thanks for pointing out the obvious on the two-headed coin. Still, I'm reveling in the sarcasm today. It's my day off. After painting a chicken coop, I deserve it. ;-)

Dr. Patty Khuly August 7th, 2009 12:22:14 PM

Sorry, not for me.

I think I'll stick to the more positive experiences which far override the negative. Sure, there are many client situations we'd all like to forget, but isn't there something valuable in dealing with these encounters with grace and understanding-and by thinking outside of the 'box'? I understand people sometimes need to blow off steam (and have some chuckles with it, too), although I like to dwell more on the constant stream of thoughtful, kind feedback, the wonderful cookies, treats, and sometimes entire staff lunches that grateful clients bring in. What about the scores of holiday cards at the end of the year, the flowers we get when their animal passes? Or that challenging client you've won over with your sincere concern and interest?

'Pay it forward' is a concept that's intended to make the world a nicer place, but you can just as easily reverse that by pushing toxic thoughts and sentiments instead.

I'll admit, my sometimes inappropriate sarcasm has gotten me into trouble in the past (and will continue to do so), but it saddens me to think that I might be encountering people in the workforce who have, behind the pleasant smile and demeanor, a mindset that is prepared to berate me, or the customer before or after.

Have fun with it-that's really okay. Don't forget, though to also write something about the wonderful people we encounter every day.

Renee August 7th, 2009 12:29:34 PM

Renee: Point taken. But recall, we write these only AFTER acting with grace and as much understanding as we can muster. Kill 'em with kindness works. But it also takes its emotional toll. Repressing your true feelings and frustrations only goes so far. Let it out, I say. But do it in a way that doesn't damage relationships or hurt anyone.

Dr. Patty Khuly August 7th, 2009 12:32:34 PM

I agree that there are 2 sides to every story and frankly, I know we're all guilty of being on both sides of that coin at least one time or another.  I don't see anything wrong with a good vent about things that make us go grrr.  We aren't hurting anyone's feelings, and I don't know about anyone else, but I'm learning a little too!

Ledasmom: I have 2 toddlers myself, and I'm the blur you see running past you that knows the grocerystore layout with her eyes closed (boy do I complain when they move things!).  20 minutes or less is my shopping motto!  At least you have an ear in one hand and shirt collar in the other - you should see the parents that I see!!

charliebear22 August 7th, 2009 12:36:57 PM

It does go both ways. Sometimes we forget to look at the other persons point of view.

It's why I try very very hard to stay friendly and polite with rescue calls and reed info calls. I really do try to make some good come out of any contact. I try to not add to the general discontent of the world and to be polite and a part of the solution rather than adding to the problem. BUT there are always a few people in any walk of life who really challenge that resolve!

JenniferJ August 7th, 2009 12:37:03 PM

I think that this post clearly puts the emphasis on how many expectations we have about money and where it takes us. No doubt all of us are guilty of both sides of the coin.

I love sarcasm and spent years writing letters both for myself and for publication just like the ones above. It made me a great person to trade barbs with. It also made me judgemental, hard and sometimes even a bit nasty.

I, personally with GREAT effort, have chosen to walk a new path. My health is better, my attitude is better, even my sleep is better. I have discovered that kindness and patience and quiet determination to change things is a healthier way to live.

The letters were great, fun and ultimately took a greater toll then I could have imagined. Be Careful what path you walk, you might not see the consequences until very late in the game.

It's easy to grin and bear it, and it is easy to bristle and not. And it's really easy to bitch behind someone's back. What is hard is to change everything and try and educate change.

LorriM August 7th, 2009 12:57:33 PM

One of the benefits of a split personality is that you can see both sides of the coin at the same time.

Bob Jones August 7th, 2009 01:27:47 PM

Indeed, Dr. Khuly-and I accept your point, too; and I always enjoy your observations and opinions. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm learning that there's not as much pleasure in taking umbrage over all the nasty little bits and pieces as there is in just flicking it off with my fingertips and shifting over to all of the incredible, positive gifts that surround. If age is a factor, then I'll go with it, with some regret that it has taken me so long to not take things so seriously and personally-horrible way to wake in the morning, go to bed at night, and spend those rare and treasured free moments.

I'll keep with the obvious flip side of the coin. I'm a much happier, more free, and content person for it. I'll call it repression if I ever notice the sweats, heart palpitations, and deep disappointment return from those days when these things did certainly stick with me. For now I'll bask in my better health, attitude, and general state of mind.

Having said all that, we'll see how I am after a rare foray into rush hour traffic this afternoon! :-)

Renee August 7th, 2009 01:28:30 PM

Sorry but just have to.....

Dear Client:

THANK YOU so much for showing up an hour past your scheduled appointment time and thinking enough not to have called ahead of time.  That might have really added to the burden of phone calls that we were already taking this morning.  I mean really when you are as busy as we are; who has time to waste wondering where you are.  But I am even more grateful that you came in anyway and then made a big scene because we couldn't get you in THAT second.  It was so considerate to the other clients in the clinic;  who knew they were going to get a free show!! 

Best Regards

Your Vet

ahhhhhhhhhh, okay that was my gripe and to try and be positive and educate people here is my say.  IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE - CALL.  I don't care if you won't be able to come in, you can't find your cat/dog because they ran away just as you were getting them.  Seriously it is just being poliet.  If you are not coming then I might be able to fit someone else in at that time, work on a drop off, eat lunch for once, and maybe be able to keep some schedule for the day.  Thank You

JC August 7th, 2009 01:55:54 PM

I work in a field that serves children and families in my community.  Yes I do have days that are stressful but I use my compassion and try to make the best of every situation.  I am alive today so am thankful for all I have.  Why soooooo much complaining and so little gratitude?  If you have a job and a place to live try not to sweat the small stuff and life will be better.

Eudora August 7th, 2009 02:04:56 PM

Whoa.. Must've been some morning..

It only takes one ..

Think you can keep that one..

Love the idea of writing the letter..

I don't think the patients with that kind of attitude hang around my office too long.. They must get my vibes..

barri August 7th, 2009 02:35:34 PM

I certainly see the point that the negativity expressed in this sort of exercise could become a very bad thing if it were to become a habit.

For me, I spend all day being positive. I answer many rescue calls and try to stay cheerful or supportive or sympathetic. There are some that require and engender deep sympathy, others that are maddening, but it does the dogs no good if I get angry or snarky.

And I try like heck to help people looking for a dog to find a reputable source for a dog or puppy if rescue is not their choice. 

But there does come a point wherein venting, occasionally and in limited quantities, seems to help. I will call a friend whom I know experiences the same things and tell her about especially maddening incidents. And we can comiserate and bitch about it a bit. And I know at that point that there is someone else who had similar experiences and felt the same things.  In general it allows me to get it out of my system without aggravating the situation.

The common thread I see with people who are about to blow a gasket if they don't have a place to vent is garden variety rudeness and thoughtlessness. And it is a HUGE problem in modern life. Protocol, manners customs were all developed to help smooth out the rough edges of social interaction, and are not being passed on particularly well at this point in time.

A little common courtesy would diffuse the situations that make many peoples heads threaten to explode.

Honestly, I think if todays parents would teach kids not to kick the ever loving heck out of the seat in front of them in movies and on planes, we'd lower the overall stress level of the country by a measurable amount. XD

Mom of three young boys and assorted pets. 

JenniferJ August 7th, 2009 02:38:29 PM

Dr. K,

Thanks for the laugh. It's Friday, we're busy and a quick laugh is perfect.

Have a great weekend,

Robert

Robert August 7th, 2009 03:56:31 PM

Wow, in comparison with the rude flaming controversy there occasionally used to happen, I'm almost saccharined out by the "I'm too nice to be mean to others - and you should try it too." commenters here today.

You all should read what people who really want to vent about rudeness can say on various LiveJournal sites, and then you'd know that Dr. K's letter was a good funny.  I'll admit that mine was meant in a sharper way, but all these things, because they're written about true bad behaviors (whether from clients or vet/staff) can illustrate how not to be a jerk, and therefore are a valuable learning tool.

KateH August 7th, 2009 04:09:14 PM

<<You all should read what people who really want to vent about rudeness can say on various LiveJournal sites, and then you'd know that Dr. K's letter was a good funny. I'll admit that mine was meant in a sharper way, but all these things, because they're written about true bad behaviors (whether from clients or vet/staff) can illustrate how not to be a jerk, and therefore are a valuable learning tool.>>

yep..been there, done it, even participated in it....just try really hard not to anymore. Most people are rude. They have not been taught or forget their manners. All that makes them is obnoxious.

you letter was also funny Kate...but that is part of the problem. Being mean spirited can be funny. drunks can be funny...lots of less than desirable behaviors can be funny. I am just saying that I have found that there are better ways to deal with those clueless people. But it's the harder path to take.

Life is a valuable learning tool. Unfortunately some people are too busy to learn. And it's way too easy to be nasty via the computer. No real up close and personal consequences what so ever. No chance you might be called to face your words..after all, no one HAS to read a response...

I'm not a big fan of meaningless quotes, much less meaningless bible quotes, but the "Do unto others" is one everyone should remember right before opening their mouths.

I personally like "If it harm none, do what you will." And in a way, that is the point that Dr. Khuly was making. It was a hypothetical letter. Not one she actually delivered. But BUT...becareful of that mindset...it is not without pitfalls.

I struggle every single day not to revert back to my high stress happy, bitchy, sacrastic self. And some days I am more successful than others. Sarcasm...my drug of choice....<sigh>

LorriM August 7th, 2009 05:16:51 PM

I'm seriously curious how those of you who insist on staying positive handle difficult situations.  It might be a good learning experience.  For example, what do you do when your client/ customer/ whatever is yelling at you and causing a scene because of some perceived wrong?  And to add some more complexity, said client is beyond the point of listening to rational discussion.

What do you do when a work-weasel causes a problem and lies about it when you try to politely and rationally work things out. 

I'm honestly curious to read your response because these are the situations when I am at a loss and positivity flies out the window.

Posey August 7th, 2009 05:45:00 PM

hornblower, Thanks.  And suddenly I'm glad I didn't move to Florida after all.  Yes, I get the sarcasm.  Just seems to me VIN would be a more appropriate forum.  Unless none of your clients actually read this blog...

PJBoosinger August 7th, 2009 06:30:06 PM

Poesy,

I think that there is a point at which you cannot allow yourself to be totally rolled over or discounted. But in those situations I don't use sarcasm, I use honesty.

Most pushy people, or people who shove their weight around and bully do not know what to do with a calm, honest statement.

Then you walk away if at all possible. 

Venting is best done later

JenniferJ August 7th, 2009 06:49:44 PM

Dr. Patty, you're awesome. Seriously, thanks for inspiring me to write an offline letter to my dogs' vets to thank them for their wonderful help and support in taking care of my two pups.  They have a great staff, great techs and great service, and even though I thank them each visit, your post today reminded me that I really should make an extra effort to formally appreciate them with a note.  Here's hoping your next appointment goes smoothly and recharges you.  It's tough these days!  Hang in there.

Shasta August 7th, 2009 07:25:56 PM

<<I'm seriously curious how those of you who insist on staying positive handledifficult situations. It might be a good learning experience. For example, what do you do when your client/ customer/ whatever is yelling at you and causing a scene because of some perceived wrong? And to add some more complexity, said client is beyond the point of listening to rational discussion.>>

For me, it became necessary that after 18 years I walk away and do something else. Because of what I did and the fact that I was moving, that decision was easy for me.

It would be much harder for someone who didn't have that option. However recognizing the signs of burn out are important and having an outside steam valve important. There are some people that can't be reasoned with and I chose(prior to leaving )  simply to think of them as small, irrational, uneducated, children in my mind while dealing with them. It helped me to pare down on the sarcasm and just keep things simple until I was finished dealing with them.

My coworkers were another issue all together and there I lost my personal battle with patience and usually just remarked that stupid is, as stupid does. Hence the need for a different life style.

LorriM August 7th, 2009 09:01:19 PM

Sarcasm is often used to hide true feelings, I think. Maybe frustration, anger, sadness, a whole lot of negative emotions. I've used it in angry fashion on my BBB blog, because I can't tolerate some of the issues in a civil way. Sometimes it is therapeutic and sometimes it just gives me relief to pen ugly, but true details...albeit in bits and pieces.

If I talk to someone regarding Pocket's Story from NH that I do NOT know, I absolutely dispense with any sarcasm and remain on topic. If it is a friend that knows ME, I may interject terminology and tone, otherwise normally not used.

For instance (to all that have read my comments & feel a grip on my personality):

Thank you so much for trying your absolute best keeping my elderly, liver-diseased, & emaciated dog alive in your hospital for a week, not able to eat. Kidney failure can be one tough ailment, particularly when a phosphorus rises to 3 x the norm at 18. Perhaps it was due to her PCV falling from a 40 to 26 in a matter of months.

The best benefit was trying to outdo normal living by proving I could stay awake, day after day, and drive the hour each way without nary a car accident, killing a person, or injuring myself. Yes, stress is a wonderful thing: it helped me shed over 10 lbs without even knowing it and my once thick dark brown hair fell out by handfuls and turned gray---I now call it brindle.

But heck, just the weight-loss and additional 5-10 lbs. on this fat broad caused a whole new look in my now baggie clothes.

Unfortunately, since my metabolism slowed down to that of a tortoise, my weight quickly returned and then some, upon medication to help me sleep. So in closing, I think a lifetime gift certificate to a fitness center may be in order.It has been suggested by various lawyers that, since you claim by submitting me for collections that $600 is still owed for the wonderful, kind, and compassionate euthanasia I witnessed for Pocket via the thick bubbly substance, you specially made for her known as KCl. It will be a memory for all time. In closing, I can't thank all of you enough, the human race can be nothing short of unbelievable at times.

Does it make me feel better? Only for a moment or two...then I realize it hasn't changed a darn thing!

Barbara A. Albright/NH August 7th, 2009 09:13:57 PM

Barbara,

I think some things can't possibly be dealt with, em let's say kindly. Pocket's treatment is one of them.

Another would be former head of pediatric oncology who allowed my son's blood sugar to climb to 846 while receiving chemo, and tried to convince me that his almost incoherent state was caused by a "normal" side effect of the methotrexate he received. (and to dose him with robitussin)  Yep...still insanely furious almost 7 years later. So was the ER staff....

But these are different then the day to day stupid, clueless, self important idiots the above references.

Some cheeks can and should be turned...others...well I am no saint, nor do I practice buddhism...so I miss the zen mark there.

LorriM August 7th, 2009 11:26:10 PM

Excellent counter, hornblower. 

Ann August 7th, 2009 11:36:37 PM

Wow - I guess I'm lucky! I won't say that I haven't been annoyed with my vet before, or I'm sure she probably with me, but if you develop a relationship with a vet, things can be worked out. I used to think some of the things hornblower said. In particular,what a rip off expecting me to run labs on my cats twice a year, and how annoying to push heartworms meds. That was until chronic illness (IBD, pancreatitis, and elevated creatinine for the younger cat) and research made me decide to follow my vets advice.

And I can tell you when my cats are really sick, I can be very demanding, but I also have spent thousands of dollars at this clinic so expect the best treatment.  This is a fairly  expensive, cat-only clinic with two ABVP feline certified vets - I feel they deserve their higher fees within reason.  They work very hard to stay current on research. We had problems once when my cat was very, very sick and was unable to keep food down for days. After failing to get in touch with the vet, and some well-meaning but inappropriate comments from one of the techs, I wrote a polite but pointed email that explained my dissatisfaction. I got a call from the vet later that day. We worked through it, came up with a treatment plan that worked for my cat, and things have been great ever since. As for me bringing in research and keeping well informed, both my regular vet and one I see as a backup have thanked me for that! They also thank me for emailing a brief summary of issues a few days before the appointment so the vet has a chance to read before we actually come in.

On the other hand, blowing off steam is OK too as long as there is no chance that someone will know who you are talking about.

Jenny August 8th, 2009 09:59:45 AM

Posey-you are right. Sometimes it seems as though circumstances go beyond what any of us can deal with, no matter how tolerant we try to be or how well some of us think we can deal with adversity.

I think first, that I remind myself to not take things personally-even when someone is trying to make it seem personal just to make the sting hurt more. And I've certainly been there when someone has worked hard to undermine me; in fact, at a place I used to work we had a saying that 'the mean girls always win'. It was a tough place to function, and ultimately not a place for anyone who wanted to advance in the field.

With the tough client? Sometimes a bit of 'tag-team' works. I've found some fellow employees have a much better repore with certain clients. Switching off sometimes diffuses a situation when anger is involved. And yes, I've actually told a client that I was about to call the police. I would have, too but he settled down (drat!).

Also, it's important to politely and effectively control ones environment, especially in a hospital.

I'm not a 'Pollyanna', and I'm not into turning the other cheek, necessarily. One does certainly need to draw the line in threatening or abusive situations. But the mere inconvenience or nuisance of a client who falls outside the expected response or behavior; the woman with a million active and restless kids in tow, the client who arrives late, the person who is cranky and rude-there is usually and explanation as to why and it helps me to remember that. Some people are dealing with a lot of turmoil and are pushed to their limits, some are just doing the best that they can. I know, it doesn't make it right-there's no excuse to mistreat another or to be inconsiderate.

I agree with Jennifer J that a direct and honest approach can really throw someone off. So can courtesy and a smile-especially for those who are unaccustomed to giving and receiving them. When it doesn't work, then it's time to be firm.

Renee August 8th, 2009 10:16:11 AM

LorriM: Thank you for your kind words. I am aghast over the 843 glucose level! But to have an educated, trained medical 'professional' try to mislead you over a grave issue like that is inconceivable.

No matter how hard you try to "compartmentalize" to try to make sense, and move on; it is just impossible. Even the folks that have dealt with horrible cases of negligence, malpractice, etc. agree that I was in the face of pure evil.

The topic of sarcasm or using it, can never put any sort of perspective to it. 

Overall, I have found a more "pleasant" world out there in the light of this economic downturn. People seem much more courteous & grateful for what they "have" versus what they "want".

Barb A./NH August 8th, 2009 03:17:04 PM

The power of internal dialogue is incredible! Use it for good, not evil :)

Change your attitude, and these people won't matter. And then there'll be no need to to blow off steam, write letters.

I've had a lot of customer service jobs. Nothing I know of is worse than waiting tables. Especially when it's in addition to a full time job, because I have to. Right now I wait tables, work a full time job, and work a volunteer position ~10 hours/week.

I've had a lot of anger in my life. I tend toward defensiveness, jump to negativity. I'M responsible for that. Not dumbass customers/clients. Everyone has faults. Some people aren't intelligent, or rational, or kind. But if I want people to accept me and mine, I should try to do the same.  Just accept them, if only for my own sake. The world might be a better place without some people. Let that roll like raindrops off your back, because that fact will remain.

I'd argue that indulging yourself in the thoughts that make you want to write these letters, are counter productive. The thoughts that drive these letters only hurt you, make you less happy, and make you less effective at life and your job. The letters are cathartic, but like band aids, are better if the wound can be avoided in the first place. I will say the ones that weigh heavier with humur are a step closer to the right direction, imo, than the ones heavy in anger and sarcasm.

Two sites that help me:

http://www.gratefulness.org/

http://www.happiness-project.com/

As far as being the person I wanna be, I'm far from finished. But working on it!

This is a fun post, really stimulates gratefulness:

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/8tgg6/dear_reddit_post_your_small_simple_pleasures_in/

Change your attitude, change your life.

Anyway, participating in all this, I've found, generates so much pride in oneself, in doing the right thing, with grace as Renee said, that those thoughts will dispace the negative ones. And that is a very good thing.

Erin August 10th, 2009 09:43:15 AM

LoriM, jenniferJ, erin - kudos for you.  Off you go now to a happy place with beautiful thoughts where you foster the positivity and nurture the connection while the rest of us actually enjoy Dr. K's post!!  

---

Dear grooming client;

I wanted to take a minute to mention that there are a few things we need to talk about again for Fifi.  Yes, brushing in-between appointments is necessary for your Shih tzu - Poodle cross.  I am sorry that she doesn't like it.  I'm sure that you brush your child's hair in between their haircuts, yes?  Well, it is kind of the same thing.

No, it isn't normal to have a bum caked in poo.  It is acceptable to take a wet cloth and wipe it clean, or to come in more than twice a year for a cut.  You can also use a wet cloth to wipe the goop off the face - although we'd rather you do that before you wipe the bum.  

Toenails should not be longer than your acrylics for any reason no matter what the size of the dog.

All dogs can have a bath in the winter.

Your three year old is NOT responsible for keeping the dog brushed, any more than your four year old is responsible for keeping the truck maintenance up to date.  Your laziness is not teaching them anything except how to be lazy.

And get out for a walk sometime... a dog should be slim enough to wash its own behind.  I know its hard to fit that in when you (as you so quickly tell me) spend at least an hour brushing out Fido every single day... 

I've got yer simple pleasure right here... (lol!) August 10th, 2009 01:51:39 PM

errr...

I was one of the first people to partake of the exercise.

Just 'cause I was agreeing that sarcasm can go too far does not mean I do not partake.

lifetime member: International Sarcasm Society (like we need your help)

XD

JenniferJ August 11th, 2009 01:20:33 AM

I believe in venting and sarcasm can make light of a very difficult situation after the fact.

the 'letters" posted here aren't two sides of the same coin, they are both the same end of extreme situations.  Some clients just as some professionals are just crazy.  they on the far end of sanity and provide you with some serious mental challenges on how to act polite and professional in the face of extremely bizarre behavior.

I can understand why professionals don't approve of internet based material because often it is extremist material that the surfer cherry picked to say exactly what they want it to say, and not the truth.  I see this all the time in wab based forums.  I try to educate on things I have learned, but people do not want to hear anything contrary to their already made up minds.  Cats are peeing on things to be mean to owners - not because there could possible be a reason, etc.

There is a LOT of good information on the web though, and good open minded professionals will look at and listen to the client before dismissing the information out of hand simply because it came from the web.  Also agreeing to look into any information that they haven't heard before instead of saying it is quackery will help everyone involved - even if it does seem like quackery.  For years, I was told there was no difference in wet and dry food, yet clearly the evidence shows otherwise and the difference a diet change can make some profound changes for a number of health issues.

Connie August 11th, 2009 02:02:06 PM

To my vet.

Thank you for skillfully removing my dog's spleen before it ruptured. The $1,500 bill was a very fair charge for your expertise, time, vet tech nursing, anesthesia, surgery, medications, and after-surgery care.

Thank you for having prescription medications on-hand so I don't have to make a separate trip to the pharmacy. It may be a little more expensive at your office, but I understand you have rent, equipment, staffing, and insurance at costs that need to be covered. I want to support your business so you are available to me the next time we need you...and we both know there will be a next time.

Thank you for being supportive of my purchasing long-term medications for my pets from an on-line supplier. It's not just to save a few bucks; the cost savings helps me allocate that saved money towards giving another pet a loving home and paying for additional diagnostic tests and procedures.

Thank you for preparing me that my cancer-stricken pet was very near the end of her life. I know that's not easy information to give, but it helped me prepare for what to expect. And thank you for maintaining your calm and composure as my pet needed to be euthanized. I know you cared for my pet too and this is one of the most difficult parts of your day.

Thank you for running a compassionate, ethical business. I had dealt with several veterinary practices over the years whose vets were not as informative, helpful, skilled in animal handling, and were more interested in maximizing their profits than providing excellent care in animal's best interest. I can always trust that you and your staff will provide me with information, good advice, have fair prices, and handle my animals with patience and compassion.

Oh, and I'm sorry you have to deal with inconsiderate, uneducated, irresponsible pet owners who think pet ownership should be as simple as tossing a bowl of food down for their pet and having a $50 vet bill to fix the results of their incompetence. I really don't know how you keep from reaching across the exam table and slapping some sense into them.

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