"My spouse adores this animal, actually any animal that crosses her path, and I need to keep my distance because I'm not really here until 'death do us part' and am not interested in fighting over animals during the divorce."

PJBoosinger http://pjboosinger.viviti.com/ October 1st, 2009 11:01:35 AM

Wayne Pacelle says he's never bonded with an animal? What the heck? That is the strangest thing i've heard in a long time. I don't know if i'm appalled or if i have to applaud him for (sort of) working to make sure animals are treated better...

Sarah October 1st, 2009 11:10:35 AM

Goes a ways to explaining Wayne.  He hasn't, maybe can't, bond with an animal so no one should; keep them at a distance; kill them kindly.  Sounds like a really deep phobia compensated for intellectually to me.  He's not getting any applause from me.

PJBoosinger October 1st, 2009 11:21:01 AM

I can think of a couple other reasons.  Some people like pets, but just don't want to live with them.  They see them as an added stress in an already-busy lifestyle.  For them, the burden far outweighs the benefits.  Also, as may be the case with some of your surrogate clients, many people like pets, they just don't particularly like their MOTHER's yippy little dog or their wife's surly tom cat.  Again, they feel they get saddled with the responsibility of caring for these animals when they don't feel attached to them in any meaningful way.  Ask these clients you see to come in with their own pets and you may see a different attitude.

Laurel October 1st, 2009 11:34:32 AM

I respect the decision not to own a pet.  Pets are not for everyone.   What you pointed out, though, is quite another issue.  That's folks having a cat or dog that don't want to put in any effort.  My parents don't have any pets these days and I respect that.  They are retired and spend an inordinate amount of time on the road shopping and traveling.  Because they know the effort needed to have a pet, they don't have any...they just have grand-pets.

My brother has, over the last 15 years, gone through 5 dogs.  One was given away, one broke loose from a chain, another was put down after 10 years of spending literally weeks on a chain.  The dog was attacking people (GOsh, didn't see that one coming).

Now they have TWO dogs and Gosh, they have a CAGE for them as well.  The full bred husky they have "bolts every time it's let out so it cannot be let off of it's leash."  Geesh, it can't be because this high energy dog is cooped up and/or leashed 100% of the time and not walked or exercised enough.  Yeah, it's the breed. *rolleyes*

Now here's the punch line.  In the last 15 years (been married for 10) I have had two dogs and, golly, I have been so lucky that my dogs were/are both in the top 1% of the canine population in regards to behavior, training, etc.  Most make the naive assumption that it's because the dog has a good personality.  I dont' correct anyone on that assumption, but here, now, I'll humbly state that I, along with my wife, put the time and energy into ensuring our pets are well mannered, happy, balanced pets.  It's challenging and rewarding.  The pay off is when we go into our local Lowes store (they allow pets!!), pet store, coffee shop, and book store and Tina is known and petted by everyone she meets.  That's the payoff, that's the joy of having a well mannered pet.

Without doing that, I have no idea why anyone would want a pet.

EAB October 1st, 2009 11:39:35 AM

And of course there are probably the tough-dude types that show up at the vet's office who love the pet but won't admit it out loud.   :)

welso October 1st, 2009 11:55:50 AM

And there's the one you alluded to earlier this week, ie, "Money spent on pets should be spent on people." I think often the person saying this really means "Money spent on pets should be spent on MEEEE."

Ringtail October 1st, 2009 11:56:39 AM

I grew up with a mother who disliked animals (she did, incidentally, have family dogs when she was growing up).  Was so odd to me; she just couldn't stand to be around them, pled all kinds of excuses (allergies, "they'll destroy the yard," etc etc).  To get my pet fix I walked neighbors' dogs, played with other peoples' outside cats, was only allowed pets in outside hutches (not much of a pet, though I milked it for all I could--nor much of a life for a pet, poor things). 

So I kind of wonder if there's an inborn component to liking animals.  She had pets as a kid, but didn't like pets.  I apparently was born with a love for all animals, and spent my childhood desperately trying to find animals to love, despite a very pet-unfriendly home environment.  What IS this that drives me to adore the four-footed creatures that surround me?  Why am I so different from my family?  They mostly think I'm crazy.  Conversely, I think they're missing out on something big, and are possibly a little emotionally flawed.

Maybe it's nature, not nurture.

~ ~ ~

I do wonder if some of the agents with whom you're interacting like some animals, but not *that particular* one.  I adore critters of almost all shapes and sizes, but boy oh boy, some owners can't seem to get their act together and produce a NICE pet.  Their pets are ill-mannered, badly trained, trained TO poor behavior, or just generally are unlikeable (all, usually, due to poor handling--it's not the pet's fault, but I still hate being around them).

Galadriel October 1st, 2009 12:03:45 PM

It's often not the pet but the owner. One of my neighbors has 3 labs. To their credit they were all rescued from the pound. They're kept on their property with an electric fence. They're fat from being overfed and underexercised. They yap and yelp constantly. When you go near them they immediately stick their snotty snout in your crotch and persist until they get attention. The front lawn is a no-man's land although they pick up regularly. Unfortunately the poops are thrown from the lawn to the adjacent woods and then attract flies.

Another neighbor has Burmese Mountain dogs...as many as three at a time. Judging from these three, Burmese Mtn dogs must be the stupidist animals on the planet. They are totally undisciplined. Snouts in the crotch again and poops the size of cow-pies. Once I saw the owner, a slight woman of about 80 pounds go flying thru the air (literally), down a hill and into the woods. The burmese was on a lead and decided to chase something....probably one of my feral cats.

Another neighbor has one of those Queen Elizabeth type of dogs. The trouble is it's a garbage hound...constantly at the vet for eating road pavement, woodchips and gravel....pretty dumb.

Then there's the Bouvier that recently died. What a disgusting animal....always loose with dirty matted hair and it attacked anyone who walked by.

Then there's the two young girls that have a small dog and a pit bull that are out of control. Another neighbor has a Rottweiler mutt. It poops on another neighbor's lawn. A war started and ended up in court with the dog owner charging the plaintiff with child molestation. Ther's more but the stories start to repeat.

Now what was the theme? Oh yeah why we don't like pets.

Ian October 1st, 2009 12:12:46 PM

Galadriel: Maybe you're adopted. ;-)

Dr. Patty Khuly October 1st, 2009 12:23:50 PM

I have always understood animals far better than the humans of my own species.  Who knows why people do what they do, or why...  With the world getting crazier every day, it's at the point where I wake up and say, maybe today is the day we will exterminate ourselves and put ourselves out of our misery."  No sadness, no regret, maybe it's just the plan.  I do however, feel bad for those who can't help themselves... the children, the animals, our senior citizens and those challenged by mental incapacity.

Cyndi October 1st, 2009 12:52:09 PM

What's up with people who don't like Wayne Pacelle?

I've seen HSUS and Wayne criticized a fair amount in this column. Understood the Vick thing created respectable divsions among the caring throngs, but swipe at him here? Do you think all child advocates must have children?

I know Wayne. His public self is the real guy. He's always been driven by compassion for animals, and is very effective and energetic in the pursuit of their fair treatment. That's more than can be said about most pet owners, many of whom care not for animals beyond the ones they "own."

oh holland October 1st, 2009 12:56:15 PM

I always tell people when I recommend this site about how you are very forthright and willing to take on the difficult issues, and this post is yet another example of that.

I'll make a prediction you hear from Carie Lewis, the social media maven at HSUS, since they actively go after these kinda comments:

http://beth.typepad.com/beths_blog/2009/08/social-media-anger-management-tips-from-carie-lewis-hsus.html

Which, honestly, strikes me as kinda creepy in itself. At some point, whether you like HSUS or you don't, you have to ask - why do they have to spend so much time defending themselves?

Al October 1st, 2009 01:06:41 PM

It seems that trying to explain the human-animal bond to some people is like trying to explain music to the completely tone-deaf. There does seem to be an innate inability to attach to animals in some people, and I don't think I could keep such a person as a spouse or close friend. Not a judgement call per se, but deal-breaking incompatibility.

Maria Shanley October 1st, 2009 01:07:45 PM

I know of three people in my life that simply do not like dogs.  You know what?  They don't treat people right either and, consequently, I don't have much use for those folks.  I think the reality is that you can fake sincerity with a human as we're a gullible lot.  That's why car salesmen are so successful.  But a dog or cat?  Heck, most animals are better judges of character than any person.  So if a person does not have a genuine heart and soul, perhaps the animal senses that and doesn't interact nearly as well as "us" good people.

Yeah, I believe it!

EAB October 1st, 2009 01:24:09 PM

Maria Shanley says it perfectly - "There does seem to be an innate inability to attach to animals in some people, and I don't think I could keep such a person as a spouse or close friend. Not a judgement call per se, but deal-breaking incompatibility."

When I meet people who can't like animals much, if at all, I can't like them much, if at all.  And, I don't trust them much, if at all, either.  Technically, I understand if they weren't raised with animals, or were told animals are filthy and annoying, but just as with anything that one can learn is not true (any prejudice - "did ya know that not all __________ are ________?" - or flawed observation "the earth isn't flat"), they could and perhaps should, learn that they are wrong to think those things.  If they do, I think they've expanded their knowledge and their world, which is a good thing.  If they don't, they stay narrow-minded.  As long as they don't act on their narrow-mindedness to harm animals, then I just hope I don't end up living next door to them.

And as for the examples that Ian cites - it's totally the fault of crummy owners that their dogs don't behave better.  So Ian, why didn't you say that the theme was why we don't like idiot owners?  Oh, wait, most of us pretty much do.

KateH October 1st, 2009 01:29:47 PM

My mom claimed not to like animals. And much of the time it was true. But in several cases her heart was won over, and she always gave the excuse that it was only "that" dog or "that" cat because it was special. She wasn't raised with pets; she was a Holocaust survivor and spent her childhood in far worse circumstances than most pets of your readers. In contrast, though my Dad also had a roughshod youth, he loved animals and taught us kids to love them too. I think he'd be better off if he had some furry companionship, but he feels he can't deal with losing another pet, and will just enjoy other people's. Oh, well.

Susan October 1st, 2009 01:34:06 PM

HSUS and PETA are not good for pets and pet owners.  Read the fine print before sending either organization a donation.

As far as spending money on animals, I'm pretty sure that my dollars spent on vet care, food, training, collars, leashes, agility equipment, van, etc. provides for a lot of salaries.  Spending money on my animals provides jobs for PEOPLE!

Jen

Jen October 1st, 2009 01:36:26 PM

I have to wonder how many people dislike animals because they haven't had exposure to pets that were well trained and socialized.

When I was really little, I thought that I wasn't particularly fond of dogs. While our dog (Siberian Husky) was a sweet boy, he was neurotic, hyperactive, and had little training. Spending time with him generally meant inadvertent injury and decimated belongings. I grew to adore him with age, but as a toddler, he was the bane of my existence. We also had a neighbor with an ancient, aggressive Chihuahua that would stick his head through the fence and attempt to gum you to death if you made the mistake of sitting too close. (The dog had no teeth and couldn't do much damage, so the neighbor thought this was hilarious... I thought it was terrifying!) Another neighbor was a serial German Shepherd owner. They'd bring home beautiful puppies, fail to provide them with any socialization, training, or exercise, and once they became a problem (generally this involved some degree of biting), they would mysteriously disappear, only to be replaced by a new puppy.

Then, other friends, family members, and neighbors started acquiring dogs, and I realized that I loved them... I just didn't enjoy getting chewed on, dragged, knocked over, or otherwise manhandled by them.

3 Fabulous Felines October 1st, 2009 01:38:59 PM

I do find myself keeping people in my life who either are outright nuts about animals, like my mom and I are, or who at least respect animals and animal-people culture.  People who would willfully abuse animals or who outright hate them, I don't get.  It's like they are from an entirely different planet.

Jen M. October 1st, 2009 01:46:24 PM

oh holland: Actually, I didn't feel it was a snipe (though I have been known to question HSUS––and Pacelle––on many of their positions). I'm truly interested in how other people think, including Mr. Pacelle, who I've been told I would just adore in person by several people I know who have met him (most of whom would never support HSUS either). And I don't doubt it. After all, he's an intelligent, great-looking man. Just my type. He would love my Italian-vegetarian style of cooking, too. ;-)

Seriously, though, there's a lot to be said for taking an intellectual approach to animal stewardship. I certainly don't believe you have to parade a bond with animals to do a great job of defending them. But it's still my view that there's something incomprehensible––to me, as a squishy, up-close animal lover––about such a detached POV. 

Dr. Patty Khuly October 1st, 2009 03:12:27 PM

Personally, I'm not sure I can imagine myself without a pet in my life.  But I do applaud people who recognize that their personaliity and/or lifestyle would not happily accomodate a four legged friend and choose to go without, rather than getting an animal that won't get the love and attention it needs.

I have a friend who had no pets growing up, and didn't quite understand my adoration for my two late-great cats.  He was astounded that I could tell which one was talking to me just from their voices.  Then he got an apartment on his own and felt it was awfully quiet, and remembered how much fun I had with my cats, and adopted two kittens.  I think it took about 36 hours before he "got it."

I can insta-bond with animals.  Last week when I was at the shelter looking for two cats to bring into our home, I made the error of walking into the dog room to say hi to all the little guys.  I could have happily taken all of them home.  I was THRILLED when I picked up our new kittens from the vet to see another family picking up a dog that I'd seen at the shelter.  It was fairly obvious that Dad and daughter had bonded already with the little guy - and Mom had gotten roped into this.  (She was complaining that the bill was $20 than the shelter estimate.)  I could very much sense that Mom was one that had no use for animals, but she was outnumbered.  At least the dog has two people he's suckered into love already, so if Mom doesn't come around, he's still got love.

Only once have I sent an "agent" on my behalf to the vet - my cat had a small surgery and was ready to go home - my boyfriend had the afternoon off work and I didn't, so he went and picked him up so he could be home sooner.  My boyfriend also had a dog he was crazy about, so he not only understood my desire to get my kitty *home* as soon as possible, he was also meticulous in getting the right post-op instructions for me.

I've found of the people in my life, most of them are animal people.  They will claim to not be a "cat person" or a "dog person" but then they always seem to remember a certain cat or dog that was OK in their book. :) I guess I have just managed to distance myself from people who don't like animals.

Right now I'm more annoyed with people who claim to love animals but can't bother to get them spayed/neutered so the shelter can't trust anyone now to get them fixed after adoption, so they go from the shelter to the vet and then home.  I have 2 adorable kittens napping in my bathroom right now that have just come off the mandatory pre-release-to-adoption spay.  Though veterinary science says they were big enough for the surgery, and they seem to be recovering quite nicely, I am a total wreck because in my mind, they're just too darn little for it!!  (Really, how do you even *find* those organs when they're that tiny?!)

Cindy October 1st, 2009 04:38:32 PM

As stated in several different ways, I think loving animal is something you have to experience to understand.  My boyfriend (who has never owned a cat) said that he wasn't really fond of cats, but I came home from work one day to find him on the couch cuddling with one of my feline companions.  Needless to say my boyfriend has changed his tune about cats since then.  A little exposure to a nice animal can go a long way.  It seems to have a lot to do with what 3 Fab Felines said: exposure to poorly trained animals can give people a skewed perception about animals in general. 

Additionally, it is very easy to stereotype animal owners.  The most notable owner stereotype (IMHO) is the "crazy cat lady" who owns several cats, talks to them like people, treats them like children, is covered in cat hair...OK, so perhaps I've just described myself to some degree.  Anyway, people who don't own pets seem to put everything in black and white and those who own cats are the "crazy cat lady" and those with dogs are some canine equivalet.  There is no such thing as a "normal pet owner" in the gray area.

Veterinary Student October 1st, 2009 04:56:58 PM

I absolutely don't have a problem with people not wanting to have pets or not feeling at home around animals, because I'm on the other side of the "how can you not love them" divide with regard to children. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely would not want to see children come to harm or be abused and would not, through action or inaction, knowingly allow something bad to happen to a child. But I'm also not really comfortable around them and don't have any desire to have any of my own. Other people feel differently and I'm sure are very happy with their children, and I'm very pleased for them, but it's just not for me. So I can't really talk about people who don't like animals since I expect they, for whatever reason, feel the same way about my pets as I do about their kids. Not everyone gets enjoyment from the same lifestyle!

Christina October 1st, 2009 05:41:27 PM

I cannot remember a time when I didn't have pets in my life, from dogs and cats to birds, reptiles, and horses. It's just part of who I am. My husband, on the other hand, had never had an animal in the house until we met, and I made it clear that if he was going to be around me, there would always be animals as well. The first "apartment" cat he tolerated somewhat, then when we bought our first house, a dog soon followed. He learned to love the dog, and decided that he was a "dog person" and not a "cat person". Now, many years later we have two dogs he absolutely adores, and though he still claims to not care much for cats, he talks to them, plays with them, cuddles with them on the couch (mostly when he thinks he's not being observed); and the last addition, (a forever foster) stayed because he fell in love and could not bear for her to go back to the shelter when she was well enough to be returned. In fact, I currently have a foster cat who is isolated in a cage in my heated garage until her URI is cleared so she can return to the shelter and be spayed--every day he makes sure she gets out of the cage for some playtime and "lap time" (if I am working, he is afraid she isn't getting enough attention). So I think pet attitudes can be acquired and learned, mostly by slow introduction of happy, well-adjusted animals. I respect the choice of anyone not to have a pet, for whatever reason--and there are those who simply should never own any animal, but like so many here, I just have an innate distrust of anyone who "hates" animals. And any visitors to my home are always informed that I have animals. I do not banish my pets to accommodate people who "don't like" animals; it is their home, so the visitors must do the accommodating, not the residents. And if you don't like the pet hair, well hey; why do you think they call it furniture??

Shellie October 1st, 2009 06:00:08 PM

“Pets cause allergies” - They might not necessarily cause allergies, but if you already HAVE allergies they definitely TRIGGER them.  However, having an allergy to one species doesn't necessarily translate into allergies to other species.  I'm allergic to everything with fur, but I couldn't picture ever living my life without a parrot.  

And another one: "Pets are too much hassle" - this is actually the top reason I've heard, especially with people used to traveling a lot.  It can certainly be worked around via boarders or house-sitters, but you do need to plan for this with a certain lead time, or even by bringing the pet with you on certain types of trips.  Traveling too frequently (with or without your pet) can lead to stress for some animals, which can have physical health results too.  

zandperl October 1st, 2009 06:40:08 PM

I know lots of people who don't like either cats or dogs or both and claim it is cultural.  I had an African American friend of mine explain to me that she and many people in her circle of family and friends are afraid of, or don't like dogs, because of how they were used during the civil rights protests and in other actions by whites against blacks.  I had never heard that before.

I confronted HSUS reps about this persistent rumor about them being anti-pet at their conference this year, and they claimed (and I believe them) that it is ridiculous -- their organization isn't anti-pet.  They have entire sections of their website devoted to responsible pet ownership, and every HSUS rep on the panel had pets.

I realize that you are talking about Pacelle and not the entire organization, but often one is misconstrued for the other.

I have found the online quotes supposedly attributable to him saying the things you have paraphrased here, but the sites on which these quotes appear have a clear anti-animal rights agenda:  Hunting sites, agriculture related sites, other sites with a clear agenda and motive to mislead.   Since it so contradicts everythign I have heard him say in person, I wish I could hear these interviews for myself -- as recorded.  I suspect there has been something lost in translation.  

stefani October 1st, 2009 06:51:14 PM

Veterinary Student, that's an interesting thought, and I've seen something like that; hubby likes small animals, but didn't get why I was nuts about horses...'till one of mine decided she liked him better than me!  Now he is head-over-heels for her. 

I still maintain, though, that I was born craving critter companionship, or at least developed it before I was old enough to talk.  And I certainly didn't get any kind of exposure to solid pet bonding until I was in my teens.  Dr Khuly, it's an interesting thought ;) but there is waaaay too much family resemblance for me to have been adopted.

Hey Christina, there are people who don't like animals who certainly do NOT feel the way you feel about kids.  A lot of people who don't like animals think that animals do not matter at all.  It's okay if they suffer, it's okay if they die, it's okay if they're abused or neglected.  After all, "they're only animals."

Galadriel October 1st, 2009 06:54:31 PM

It's really funny how different people react to pets, and how animals gravitate to those who like them..

Socks is a regular visitor to my office, and has been since he was two month old.. The secretary wouldn't go near him, and was afraid of him, even when he was 3.5 lbs...  He has no relationship with her.. My associate never had a pet. Socks will sit, and ignore the guy even when he tries to pet him.. He actually turns his head away, but will chase whatever he throws, and brings it to someone else..  My lab tech, and assistant can't hid from him.. You can see him smiling from ear to ear..  and barks at them to play with him..

Animals are aware..

barri October 1st, 2009 08:05:02 PM

True, Galadriel, but I tend to think of them as being in a different category from people who just "aren't pet people" or don't bond with animals personally for the types of reasons Dr K mentioned in the initial post. After all, there are people out there who do horrible, unspeakable things to children, too, and I wouldn't want to be thought of in the same category as them!

Christina October 1st, 2009 10:20:53 PM

I've been the person who doesn't like pets. I've always had a connection to animals, especially wild animals, but when I was growing up I thought of the family pets rather differently (example: I remember reading books aloud to the cat - ???), and then when I was older I went through a reactionary stage, in which keeping pets seemed to be somehow demeaning. Later I was able to put things in perspective, but even now, I feel closest to one of my cats because he strikes me as a true companion animal -- as though we're somehow on equal standing -- whereas my other two cats relate to us like babies who will never really mature. They are sweet and darling pets, but they seem a little less realized as cats or as themselves. I don't really have any patience, however, with skepticism over whether people really bond to animals, or whether all our common understanding with animals is an anthropomorphizing projection -- animals aren't people, but people are animals.

Sarah October 2nd, 2009 12:12:27 AM

I've mellowed a lot over the past ten years. I used to think that non-animal people were generally bizarre and abhorrent. Now I just find them bizarre, but have come to the conclusion they probably feel the same way about my view. A very dear friend of mine has never had a pet/companion animal/goldfish in her whole life, and is not a 'pet person.' Yet when we talked about where we'd all do our after t'giving get together this year, and I said we could do my house but i know she's not into dogs, but i could just put them up, even she said that my house is my dogs house and she wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable. So maybe i rubbed off on her a bit somewhere too.

I'll never understand folks not having animals in their lives, but that's their choice and a far better one than having animals and not caring for them, or abusing them. And I think kids raised w/o animals is just somehow inherently sad.

Brooke October 2nd, 2009 12:43:31 AM

My sister-in-law, who is a lovely person, comes from a culture where pets are relatively uncommon.  She would never hurt an animal, but animals as companions are not in her worldview.  When my brother wanted cats, she agreed if they would never come in the house.  So he feeds them, makes sure they get their shots, and the cats hang around the yard and the neighbor's yard (they love to play with their dog) and stay in the garage at night.  If something were to happen to my brother, my sister-in-law would keep the cats for the kids, and would continue to care for them, but I don't know that she would get very attached.

I think she was a little appalled when she visited us and saw that not only the cat, but the dog, lived in the house!  She is way too polite to reveal anything, though.

My mom is from a farm background of a couple of generations ago.  Animals were utilitarian, not to be pampered and really, should have some kind of a job.  We did have pets, though they mostly stayed outside.  I think that's not an uncommon view for people who grew up in the first part of the century.  I've never told her that both the dog and the cat sleep in the bedroom (though she's probably guessed.) 

lin October 2nd, 2009 12:44:17 AM

Neither of my parents are 'pet' people. (Nor were their parents). We never had pets growing up.  Yet my mom will say that I liked pets since I was an infant (when apparently the neighbors kittens climbed into my buggy and I cooed over them) while my brother never liked pets (he refused to pet a neighbors dog as a toddler and never really changed).

Why my parents don't like pets differs.  I think my dad may have been bitten as a child, he's afraid of most dogs and actually is afraid of one of my cats!  The only dog he ever liked was a little tiny quiet toy dog that a neighbor had.

My mom is a clean freak; I think pets would have disrupted her perfect housekeeping.  (yes my mother had white sofas in the living room covered in plastic, no we weren't allowed to sit on them except when there was company). 

I've had pets since I've lived on my own.  My brother never did...until my sister-in-law really wanted a dog.  Much 'discussion' ensued (including, threats of divorce, so I hear).  He finally relented and she brought home a fugly poodle mix with bad manners.  His initial stance was "Its her dog, her responsibility, I won't feed, walk, etc).  He also is a clean freak like my mom.  Everything has to be just so.

I knew the dog had won him over the day he called to tell me that he (the dog) had an accident on their new leather sofa.  I asked him how he felt about that.  His response, "oh, hell, its just a sofa."  Now he talks all the time about HIS dog (he works from the house) how much fun they have on walks and playing in the yard.  Sometimes its the lack of having the opportunity to experience the good things a pet can bring that makes a person not like animals. 

2CatMom October 2nd, 2009 01:19:12 PM

Christina said: "I absolutely don't have a problem with people not wanting to have pets or not feeling at home around animals, because I'm on the other side of the "how can you not love them" divide with regard to children. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely would not want to see children come to harm or be abused and would not, through action or inaction, knowingly allow something bad to happen to a child. But I'm also not really comfortable around them and don't have any desire to have any of my own. Other people feel differently and I'm sure are very happy with their children, and I'm very pleased for them, but it's just not for me. So I can't really talk about people who don't like animals since I expect they, for whatever reason, feel the same way about my pets as I do about their kids. Not everyone gets enjoyment from the same lifestyle!

Christina"

That is so funny.  I was just thinking the same things. (I am also childfree and channel my nurturing instinct toward animals.)  This conversation sounds a lot like a "kids or no kids" conversation.

Just an observation.

Jen M. October 2nd, 2009 01:36:00 PM

My step dad is another "convert."  I don't know what his background with animals was, and I don't THINK my step siblings had pets growing up, though some have had them as adults.

When he and my mom first got together, he TOLERATED our pets. Over the years, he's gradually softened up.  I now regularly see him doting on the family dogs or cat.  ;)

Jen M. October 2nd, 2009 01:45:10 PM

Whoever said this: I have to wonder how many people dislike animals because they haven't had exposure to pets that were well trained and socialized.

I think that's a huge point. I never really liked dogs, but I've only been around the yippy totally uncontrollable ones close friends or family have had.

And I didn't like animals as pets either, until I got my cat. On an intellectual level, it seemed sort of wrong to spend large amounts of money pampering a dog or cat while people starve in the world. But once I got so attached to my cat (and I do emphasize that, it's like kids, it's different when they're yours), I realized that it's not quite like that - I'm paying for the cat because I love it and it calms me and all this...he's not being "kept" - he is providing something of value to me (in fact, of very high emotional value). I buy lots of things that I don't need instead of giving the money to charity, because they improve my life. The cat I love improves my life. I think that's a basic understanding I was missing before...that people don't keep animals and love them for the animals' sakes necessarily. (Guess it's the same with kids.)

I think it does come naturally to love animals as a kid, but it kind of goes away. I know that the hassle was one thing that kept me away from pets for a long time - or my mother. If you work a lot and have a lot of demands on your time, a pet might seem like more trouble than it's worth...on an abstract level...once you love them, it's different.

And there are secondary reasons - I hate the idea of fleas in the house (and no matter how many treatments of whatever type we do, he always brings some around), the mess, etc. But now, since I love him, I even let him in the bed, something that on an abstract level I would never think of doing.

sara October 5th, 2009 08:48:19 AM

We own several dogs and cats for whom I adore with a passion.

They are not my replacement children though but a huge part of the family, if we go on holdiay the dogs come too and the cats are looked after at home by our house sitter.

Last night my mother in law pointed out when I mentioned the animals WERE NOT my babies but i adored them, that I would do well to remember that theyare ONLY ANIMALS.  she then proceeded to tell me that when I got married I made a promise....well I made several in my wedding vows...when iasked her whcih promise she was refering to she said " you promised to have children so where are they".....We had never told her that we couldnt have children and accepted that it wasnt meant to be, so I told her just that..."well you should have persued it"  i just said to her calmly.."it wasnt meant to be and we didnt feel the need to go down the IVF route."  she then said "well I WOULD HAVE liked grandchildren and IM very dissappointed not to have any". 

I felt sick and thought very unkind thoughts but what gives her the right to be judgmental....?  Has anyone else experienced this type of behaviour from thier mother in law ?

Im probalby over reacting.  I make no appologies for adoring my pets and although We dont treat them like babies our selves I dont feel it would have been any of her business if we did !!!

That feels better now Ive got that off my chest.  Thanks everyone.

CHARLIE November 16th, 2009 07:23:27 AM

Humans are the only animal that keep other animals as companions. And few cultures other than our own actually keep animals inside the living quarters. I would argue that the desire to keep animals as domestic companions (for that purpose only) is an intrinsically natural human state. I think it's a very culturally based notion, although the concept of bonding with animals in GENERAL, is not.

I see absolutely no reason to apologize or feel sorry for the fact that I don't want pets, don't like having them, and don't get the whole appeal of pets whatsoever. I have had animals I've bonded with and loved. I've grieved terribly over the death of a pet bird once when I was little. Oh yeah, for the record, I don't eat animals and am very active about animal rights in general. But I just don't feel the need to have one sleeping on my bed, eating my food and living in the same house as me. I do love plants. I love my 6 year old daughter. I love my space, and I like it without hair, dandruff, fleas, or boxes of stool and urine. I also prefer not to keep meat in my house and cats and dogs eat meat (I know a few vegetarian dogs, but why put them through that unnatural state). I understand that these are all necessary parts of loving and caring for an animal and should I find one on my doorstep, I would care for it lovingly. But I would NOT go out and seek this commitment.

I have no trouble choosing what things I prefer to bond with and being honest about this. I can promise you, I will never adopt an animal because it's "cute" and then ignore it, because I have come to terms with the fact that I just, for whatever reason I don't need to justify, don't want a pet.

To me, a cat is a cat, a dog is a dog and a human is a human. I am content to keep the company of my species just as, in the wild, animals all naturally do.

What I think you should really dedicate a blog post to, is the subject of how someone who can bond with a cat or dog and practically worship it as if it were a god, can turn around and eat an innocent cow or pig. What is the difference? 

I don't eat animals, and I respect them deeply. I prefer to see animals in the wild and appreciate their wildness, than to tame them and keep them as pets. But I do appreciate and honor all that domestic animals have done for humans. They are incredible. We would not be where we are today as a species without the help of horses, cows, cats, dogs, sheep and other helper creatures. For that reason we should never, ever eat animals if we profess to love them.

Sarah Noack January 29th, 2010 12:22:52 AM

btw, I don't believe keeping pets is "wrong..." nor am I a fanatical animal rights nut or anything. I think people should eat meat if they want to. But they should not then look at people like me as if I don't have a heart. I do. I just express it differently... and I'm consistent. It honestly is hypocritical for a true animal lover to eat meat from a supermarket, at least. Food animals are treated worse than garbage these days. If someone wants to eat meat, at least find a local farm and get it, but if you truly love animals, at least give vegetarianism a shot for a few months (long enough to clean out your system and adjust).

I really just 'don't get the pet thing.' Or, I do, I've experienced it before in my life with my bird. Maybe losing that little tiny creature was too painful for me to ever want to go through again. I don't do grief very well, and let's face it... we outlive our pets, generally.

Some people really are cleanliness fanatics in their homes, too. Or "need my space" fanatics, like me. I find it challenging to even have one child and don't plan to have more (although I adore my daughter). I love to come home to a quiet house full of plant life and crystals. That's the life that I relate to most, even more than other human beings. I relate to their energy a lot and I love gardening. I would seriously go crazy if I had to get up every morning to walk a dog, or have them lick me (I really, really hate being licked), or climbed on, etc. And the idea of having a litter box in the house bothers me so much it may seem irrational to anyone who truly loves cats. I can ALWAYS smell it even if it's cleaned constantly. I am one of these strange people who really, really loves her space and solitude! I get overstimulated very easily and just like to come home to peace and quiet. 

Anyway just wanted to add on a bit, because it's a topic I am often blogging about myself, and I often get very inflammatory comments which is a shame. I am not the enemy here. I love animals and I treat them with respect. I just prefer to not have them living in my house, that's all, it's a choice I make consciously. I am a mom, but I understand how much work it is and totally respect why someone would choose NOT to go through having kids, for example. 

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